i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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