i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
