I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize