I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
