I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
