I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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