his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No subtext here. People are naked.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
