do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
