I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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