some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize