I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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