Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
