I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I smell like Dick and happiness
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
