what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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