end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
