During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
