I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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