wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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