Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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