he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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