I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize