Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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