You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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