I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
