Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize