I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
