Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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