i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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