tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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