love makes seman taste better
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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