what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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