Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
