Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
