He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
