i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just google imaged poop.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
