She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
