it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
