Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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