she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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