why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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