My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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