Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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