My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize