we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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