Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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