just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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