**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
