After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
