hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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