She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
