We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
