So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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