Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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