NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
