At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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