and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
