Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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