I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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