i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
