Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Found your dick twin last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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