i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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