I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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