I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
