sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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