Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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