Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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