It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
