Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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