The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
