just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
