its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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