I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
