This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
